The holiday season, particularly Christmas, is often considered a time for joy, togetherness, and celebration. But for those who are grieving the loss of a loved one, it can also be an incredibly painful and isolating time. The contrast between the festive atmosphere and the deep sorrow of loss can feel overwhelming, making it difficult for grieving individuals to fully engage in holiday traditions. As a friend or family member, understanding how to offer support during this time can make a significant difference in their journey through grief.
“As many of you may have read our about section this foundation is in John-Paul Awi’s name, who sadly and tradgically died by suicide. This is not only information to help all of you it’s from a lived experince. The first Christmas was the hardest, you feel so out of breath at times after a heavy loss breathing becomes a full time job, your tears will endlessly flow sometimes keeping your sences hostage. It’s now year 6 and I can’t tell if it’s easier now becasue for me everyday feels like the first day, everyday I remember, the grief just turns into a state of gratitude for the time and memories. But it’s hard so urge whoever reads this if you can support someone that’s amzing, if you need support just drop us an email admin@johnpaulawifoundation.org or reach out to your family and friends, becasue you are not alone and are loved.”– Grace Federico Awi
Here are some thoughtful ways you can support grieving family and friends during the Christmas holiday:
1. Acknowledge the Grief, Don’t Ignore It
One of the most important things you can do is acknowledge the loss. It might feel awkward, but ignoring the grief or pretending that everything is “normal” can make the person feel even more isolated. Instead of avoiding the topic, gently acknowledge their pain. A simple, “I know this is a tough time for you, and I’m here if you want to talk,” can go a long way. Sometimes, the most meaningful thing is offering a compassionate presence rather than trying to “fix” the situation.
2. Offer Flexibility with Traditions
Christmas traditions—decorating the tree, attending holiday services, exchanging gifts—can be deeply rooted in past experiences with loved ones. For someone who is grieving, these traditions may bring both comfort and pain. If your grieving friend or family member expresses a desire to skip certain activities, respect that wish. Allow them to take a break from the usual holiday bustle. At the same time, offering the option to participate in a modified or less demanding version of these traditions can provide a sense of connection without overwhelming them.
3. Create New Traditions (If They’re Open to It)
Sometimes, starting a new tradition can provide a gentle way of moving forward without feeling like they’re leaving the memory of their loved one behind. You could suggest doing something different, like volunteering together, cooking a meal for those in need, or taking a quiet walk in nature. The key is to offer the opportunity for change while respecting their emotional needs.
4. Be Present Without Pressuring Them
Grief doesn’t have a timeline, and there’s no “right” way to grieve. Some people may want to be surrounded by others, while others may prefer solitude. Offer your presence without pushing them to engage. Simply being there—whether that’s sitting together in silence, holding space for their emotions, or providing a warm hug—can show that you care. Let them take the lead on how much interaction they need.
5. Check in Regularly
During the holidays, it can be easy for people to feel overlooked or forgotten, especially when everyone is busy with their own plans. Make a point to check in with your grieving friend or family member, whether through a phone call, text, or handwritten note. Let them know you’re thinking of them, and that they are not alone in their grief.
6. Offer Practical Help
The logistical challenges of the holiday season—cooking, cleaning, shopping—can feel overwhelming for someone who is grieving. Offer to help with these tasks, but be specific about what you can do. Sometimes, just offering to prepare a meal, pick up groceries, or help with holiday decorations can take some of the pressure off. Don’t wait for them to ask for help; instead, suggest specific ways you can lighten their load.
7. Honor the Loved One’s Memory
Including the deceased in the holiday remembrance can help grieving individuals feel connected to the person they’ve lost. You might offer to light a candle in memory of the loved one, share stories about them, or look at old photographs together. Acknowledge their absence, but also celebrate the impact they had on your lives. This can create a space for both mourning and celebrating their life.
8. Respect Their Need for Space
It’s natural to want to comfort those we care about, but sometimes, grieving individuals may need space to process their emotions. If they prefer solitude or decline invitations to holiday events, don’t take it personally. Let them know you’re available when they’re ready, and give them the space they need to heal at their own pace.
9. Be Mindful of Emotional Triggers
Certain aspects of Christmas—songs, decorations, and holiday cards—may trigger intense emotions for someone who is grieving. Be sensitive to this, and be understanding if your friend or family member reacts with sadness or even anger. If they express that something is too difficult for them, respect their feelings and offer alternatives. For example, if a certain holiday tradition is too painful, suggest doing something else that may be more comforting.
10. Listen Without Judgment
Grief is a complicated, deeply personal experience, and everyone processes it differently. Some individuals may express their feelings through tears, while others may feel numb. Some may be angry, while others may feel guilt or even relief. Whatever their emotional state, listen with empathy and without judgment. Let them express themselves freely, and avoid offering unsolicited advice or trying to “fix” their grief. Simply being a compassionate listener is one of the most healing things you can do.
11. Don’t Force Joy
Holidays are often seen as a time of celebration, but for someone who is grieving, it can feel impossible to find joy. It’s important not to pressure your grieving family member or friend to “cheer up” or “enjoy the season.” Let them feel their grief and sadness, and allow them to experience whatever emotions come up. Instead of focusing on forcing happiness, try to create an environment of understanding and acceptance.
12. Consider Their Unique Relationship with the Deceased
The nature of the relationship with the deceased person will influence how they experience grief during the holidays. For example, a parent who has lost a child may experience the holidays differently from someone who has lost a spouse or parent. Understanding the unique bond they shared with the person they lost can help you offer more tailored support. Be patient and avoid comparing their grief to others’ experiences.
Grieving during the Christmas season is never easy, but with kindness, patience, and understanding, you can help ease the burden for your grieving family or friend. The holidays will likely never be the same for them, but with your support, they may find moments of comfort and connection. Your thoughtful actions—whether that’s offering a listening ear, respecting their space, or simply being present—can bring light to an otherwise dark time and help them feel loved and supported.
Grief is not something to “fix,” but something to accompany, and by being a compassionate and considerate presence during the Christmas holiday, you can help them navigate this challenging season with care and dignity.
For any questions or further information, feel free to reach out to us at admin@johnpaulawifoundation.org – we’re here to help!
Further reading:
Cruse Bereavement Support – Coping with Grief at Christmas
Why it’s Hard at ChristmasMind – Why Christmas is hard
Leeds Mind – Suicide Bereavement Self Care Through Christmas
